Couples Therapy
Consider the following questions.
Are you struggling to communicate? Is everyone talking and no one listening, but everyone wants to be heard in your relationship?
Are you arguing more and having a hard time seeing eye to eye? Are you going through different things and have different interests? Are you having difficulty connecting emotionally?
Has your intimacy changed? Are you just different people in different places in life, finding it harder and harder to get the relationship you once had back?
Relationships should be symbiotic.
Symbiosis in human relationships refers to a deep emotional, psychological, or functional interdependence between two people, where they act as a single, combined unit to meet each other’s needs.
In a healthy context, this type of connection acts as a “positive, reciprocal flow” that provides security and shared growth.
Often, this involves mutual benefits, such as shared emotional support or practical stability. It can also become unbalanced if it leads to unhealthy dependency.
Key aspects of human symbiosis include:
Mutualism (Healthy Interaction): Both partners benefit, creating a supportive, symbiotic relationship that improves their emotional state and daily life.
Interdependence: Partners may rely on each other for financial support, childcare, or emotional stability.
Psychological Fusion: This occurs in close relationships, such as romantic partnerships, family, or intense friendships.
Potential for Imbalance: While it can be positive, unhealthy symbiosis can resemble parasitism, where one person’s needs are met at the expense of the other, leading to issues like codependency.
Problems arise in a non-symbiotic relationship.
Adult relationships differ from those associated with children, and without symbiosis, the relationship can unravel. In marriage, symbiosis can be considered unhealthy when there is a loss of individuality, emotional dependency, and dysfunctional “enmeshment” where partners struggle to maintain separate identities.
Adult marriage symbiosis is often a maladaptive attempt to recreate early, secure attachments or to heal insecure attachments. In unhealthy marriages, it acts as a “second childhood,” where one or both partners seek parental-like nurturing. Such a relationship is limiting, leading to a “loss of self” and fostering parasitic rather than mutually supportive dynamics.
The way adults were loved in childhood significantly shapes their adult relationship style. Individuals often unconsciously seek partners who mimic the parental figures of their childhood, attempting to achieve a different resolution to early attachment issues.
A nurturing childhood family environment is linked to secure attachments in adult romantic relationships, while harsh childhoods can lead to controlling or victim-oriented, unstable marriages.
Relationships should be horizontal, not vertical.
A possible starting point for a human-symbiotic relationship is a horizontal one in which two or more parties share equal power and responsibility. When partners are in a horizontal relationship, they are considered equal in knowledge and wisdom, or at least relatively so.
Equality promotes the opportunity for a more balanced contribution to the relationship. Shared responsibility allows for a greater diversity of skills in the relationship. Even though rooted in equality, horizontal relationships can still go wrong. If its members do not properly maintain the relationship, it can lead to bitter rivalry and competition rather than cooperation.
A vertical relationship is one in which one party has greater power and control over the other. Here, cooperation and collaboration are absent, and competition is omnipresent. When partners are in a vertical relationship, one person has greater standing, whether due to power and authority or knowledge and wisdom.
The vertical nature of these relationships also puts greater pressure on one partner, who assumes increased responsibility for being in charge. Conversely, the partner without the power feels pressure to comply. These relationships are, by nature, hierarchical and require benevolence to function properly.
A relationship is a joint venture.
The horizontal relationship paves the way for a more cooperative connection. With more shared responsibility and equality, couples can begin to view their relationship more as a joint venture. The partnership is more fluid when both parties feel equally invested.
There is no need to lead or follow. The relationship has the potential to evolve naturally through the contributions and input of both partners. Trust in each other’s skills and shared responsibilities is essential to any joint venture, whether it is a business partnership or a personal relationship.
Remember that we are conditioned from birth. To achieve symbiosis in a relationship, deconditioning is required. We need to decondition our subjectivity about relationships and discover facts, regardless of our feelings. A positive symbiotic relationship requires discovering and denying one’s personal bias, has no need for judgment, and is committed to pursuing facts rather than emotional reactions. The symbiotic relationship resolves the need for control, promoting shared responsibilities.
Compatibility and affection can foster symbiosis and intimacy, recognition of the equality of beliefs, and a focus on getting it right rather than being right.
Make your relationship symbiotic.
In couples therapy, we can have a nonjudgmental, unbiased professional intervention focused on helping you and your partner navigate attachment issues, which can be very helpful. During this time, you and your partner will talk about your feelings and what you want to work on.
At the first meeting, we will get to know one another to make sure we are a good fit, and we will develop goals for what you would like to accomplish in couples therapy together. Then, we will discuss ways to help you create an equal partnership.
Through therapy, you can develop a strong, symbiotic relationship. For more information on how I can help, please get in touch with me today.